I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
