I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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