her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
