woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
