I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
