The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
