she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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