ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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