My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
