wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
