you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
bring money and cleavage
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
