my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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