Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
