Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
