I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
