Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
