how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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