i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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