Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
