I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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