hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
