I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
