I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
