you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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