help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
