those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
