she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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