you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
