cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
