Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All the doctor said was why
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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