it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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