I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
