Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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