She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
