...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
