Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
