there's paper in my vomit.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
