i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
