honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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