i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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