Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
