he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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