I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
