Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
