i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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