There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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