I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize