well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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