i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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