the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
