i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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