Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
