I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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