ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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