so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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