Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
