how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
