we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
