the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
