I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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