She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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