Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
