Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
