I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
