she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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