When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
