I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
