So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize
